Monday, January 30, 2006


I went to the dentist today. While I was sitting there, I thought to myself, "Ya know. Terrorism is bad but dentists are worse!" You might say, "What? How can you say that?" Well, let me splain. There is an industry that has formed around scraping crud off of people's teeth and occasionally pulling them out by the roots. It probably evolved from the people who pulled out people's teeth and stuck sharp sticks under their fingernails. Ok, maybe not. But didn't we learn about 100 years ago that cavities and plaque are caused by bacteria? If they can come up with an anti-bacterial creams to wash my hands and my dishes, why not my teeth? Because the dentists enjoy it! Now, I will be the first to say I don't think my dentist has ever sat around and old damp cave, eating old damp lamb chops, mumbling about sticking it to those hated americans. Oh no, he doesn't do that. But his breath occasionally does. Wow. The guy can get rank. He was breathing in my face and my eyes starting tearing up and I wanted some kind of tactful way to tell him so I said, "Dude. Ya ever hear of a dung beetle?" It came out like, "Uude. aahh ahah ahah ah ung eeetle?" He understood though. "Sure, I have." So I said, "Any idea why your breath smells like that ball of stuff they push around. Owwwww." And then said, "Sorry." Yeah I bet. "I had coffee this morning." So I'm thinking about this and I gotta ask, "Did you drink coffee or lick a monkey's ass? Owwww." I started bleeding badly at that point and had to quit talking. Dude, have a mint!